The rise of the “trad wife” trend—where women embrace traditional gender roles, prioritising homemaking and submission to their husbands—has sparked a wave of nostalgia for a bygone era. Social media is filled with images of women baking bread ((think Nara Smith—ironically, she is actually working and making her own money through this content!)), ironing their husband’s shirts, and managing a household with seemingly effortless grace.
While there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to be a stay-at-home wife or mother, the problem arises when this lifestyle is glorified as the ideal for all women, without acknowledging the financial risks it presents.
I have spoken to and had hundreds of coaching sessions with women, and I have seen and heard most, if not all! Obviously, there are beautiful stories of partners who support one another—of men who empower their wives to make financial decisions, invest, and have a sense of security. But there are also horrific stories of financial abuse that cannot be ignored. Here are just a few statements women have shared with me:
"This is not your house, you will leave."
"You are useless."
"If it wasn’t for me, you’d have nothing."
"You are nothing without me."
I’ve heard of men leaving for work trips, leaving their partner and children without food or money—all while living in mansions, just to be spiteful. I’ve also heard of men who, despite being married and financially capable, simply refuse to support their wives and children. The financial burden falls solely on the woman, even in cases where she is not the primary earner by choice but by necessity. And the list goes on!
The South African Reality: Women as Household Heads
In South Africa, the reality is starkly different from the soft-focus imagery of the trad wife trend. Statistics show that over 40% of households are headed by women—meaning that in many cases, women are the primary, if not sole, breadwinners. Whether due to divorce, widowhood, or the absence of a partner, women often have no choice but to provide for themselves and their children. The idea that a man will always be there to take care of a woman financially is simply not the lived reality for most South African women.
Financial Vulnerability and Dependence
The trad wife lifestyle encourages financial dependence on a partner, which can be incredibly risky. Life is unpredictable—divorce, job loss, illness, or even death can leave a financially dependent woman in a precarious situation. Without personal income, savings, or investments, she may find herself struggling to rebuild her financial footing.
The danger is even greater in South Africa, where financial abuse—where one partner controls or restricts access to money—is a common form of gender-based violence.
Encouraging young women to forego financial independence in favour of submission and reliance puts them at greater risk of financial insecurity, should their relationship dynamics change.
The Impact on Young Girls
Perhaps the most concerning aspect of the trad wife trend is the message it sends to young girls. At a time when we should be teaching financial literacy, independence, and ambition, this trend subtly tells them that their highest aspiration should be to serve and depend on a man. This can set them up for long-term financial struggles and prevent them from fully realising their potential in their careers and personal wealth-building journeys.
Choice Over Idealisation
Again, this is not about vilifying women who choose to stay at home. The issue is in presenting it as the only or superior way to be a woman. Financial independence should always be a priority, even for those who choose to focus on homemaking. Every woman should have a financial safety net, investments, and income streams to protect herself and her children, regardless of her marital status.
The reality in South Africa is that women are leading households, starting businesses, and building generational wealth. Instead of romanticising outdated ideals, we should be celebrating and empowering women to be financially savvy, independent, and secure—no matter their relationship status.
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